Somehow, for some reason which is unknown to me, I was feeling philosophical while sitting in a Sherbrooke city bus today. I saw children wearing shorts and t-shirts, running in the backyard; the bus was packed with high school students who had to time spare, on their way to a shopping centre; and a young adolescent couple was sitting on a grassy curb, arms around each other, laughing and kissing. After seeing all of this, I began to wonder where it had all gone… my summer had come down to three weeks of holidays, plus weekends, and an extra day here and there. I had suddenly beame aware of this fact, in my 23rd year of life. Life may begin at 20, but the summer I once knew ended at that time too. Sure there are weekends and those three weeks, but what happened to living? Like everyone else I have fallen inot the "working rut": at work by 7:30 a.m. and out at 5-6 p.m. Well, I decided today that I miss my "childhood." As a child you always look forward to the summer because there is no school, but by the end you are bored and want to get back to all your friends and the routine. Now it seems that I just can't get enough of summer - two and half months just isn't enough anymore. I count myself lucky though for having the htree weeks off tha I have, which in a sense is sad and depressing, some people don't get even half of that - some have none at all.

Our society has built this lifestyle, it wasn't always this way. Summer cottages and lakes used to be used to their full potential - now there are those who can afford the weekend trips or the locals who hang around these spots. From all of this I feel old… thinking of "what it used to be like." At 22 years old??? Who am I trying to kid! Okay, so maybe there's an extra strain.. I guess the fact that my boyfriend lives in Sherbrooke and I'm three hours north of there (the place I call home) adds a tiny bit of something that is to be desired. I love Sherbrooke and love being there with him - do I need to say more? My three weeks vacation, plus weekends have been spent in Sherbrooke, Trosi-Rivières and Montreal with him. So, this summer, to say the least, has flown by extremely fast! I've been busy, my mind has been preoccupied and I've enjoyed it - don't get me wrong, I've loved every single second! I just wish ther was more time… more time to live the way each of us on this planet wants to… not the society rut life. Sure the money is nice to have, but if we can't enjoy it, what's the point? There is no real point but survival. Survival isn't living, so once again, what's the point?

I guess I have to thank weekends for being weekends… it's the only time some of us have to really live. Of course, I would have to thank my emploers for giving me the three weeks off. In a way, each of us is intitled tothe famous "time off". Our time off is a way of resting and regenerating our strength. If we don't have any there, we will end up burntout and not able to do anything to make our contribution to life.

From what I saw today, the "over 20" crowd really needs to allow some "child" back into their lives. Allowing small parts of our time to be run by "fun" thoughts, and feeling alive and free of any stress, pre-occupations and responsibilities is what each of us needs now and then; it would do a world of good. You know, even small things can help. I found in high school a way for me to feel more free of stress - I would put my long hair up into a ponytail. With it swinging from side to side, or the wind blowing through it, I felt a bit younger and with this came a feeling of freedom. So, on days when I would have tests or an exam, my hair would be up in a ponytail - not too tight, I needed my brain cells! The freedom lessened my anxiety or stress. I still have "ponytail" days, other tiems I just do it for fun. I'm jealous of the little girls who have two ponytails that take away double the stress? Maybe there's someting that is to be discovered - "The Ponytail Theory." Will we ever know?? Ahhh… back to being serious. : )

~Tuesday, August 17, 1999~

To add to the story of my summer, I had a wonderful one. Spending time with the one I love, doing thign that we had wanted to do together: seeing the Old Port, Notre-Dame Basilica, fireworks, The Matrix, meeting friends, The Phantom Menace, Pacini, shopping, biking together, site-seeing and so much more. None of it could ever be erased from my memory… I've never had so much fun! I even got to see things from the past, the first place we "virtually" met - it all seems unbelievable.

No matter what I said about "only three weeks" vacation… it was one of the most wonderful summers of my existance so far. Beautiful weather added to it all - in two words: a dream.

Time will always be there nagging at our live, but it's how we feel, our emotions and what we do that will make our summers "worth it" or not.

~Friday, October 1, 1999~